Fight for the Right (Or Left) to Party
I think we can safely assume that Donald Trump will be the Republican candidate. (Never mind that the phrase “safely assume” should never be used next to the words “Donald Trump.”)
Trump does have three announced primary opponents. One is Joe Walsh. Great musician! Loved him in the Eagles! Got my vote!
Huh?… It’s not that Joe Walsh? It’s the former one-term Illinois Republican congressman and conservative radio talk show host? Oh. Can he play a cover version of “Life’s Been Good To Me So Far”?
Another opponent is former Governor of Massachusetts and 2016 Libertarian Party Vice Presidential candidate Bill Weld. Bill says he’s become a Republican again.
But Republicans blocked Weld’s nomination for U.S. Ambassador to Mexico in 1997, and I doubt they’re going to let him back across the border now to be nominated for president.
Then there’s former Governor of South Carolina Mark Sanford. As governor, he was mostly notable for disappearing for several days in 2009 – claiming to have been hiking the Appalachian Trail while actually in Argentina with his mistress… A spectacular divorce ensued. And, P.S., the South Carolina GOP has canceled its 2020 primary.
Besides nugatory Republican opposition, Trump has the benefit of an economy that’s on fire… Let’s hope the sparks don’t fly in a way that fans the economic flames into what happened in 2018 in Paradise, California.
This has never returned less than 400% over 4 years
Something big is happening in America… and almost no one is paying attention. A completely misunderstood asset is transforming our world–and making people rich (Barron’s estimates at least 20,000 people). A multimillionaire has written a fascinating analysis, and posted it free on his website here…
The other thing Trump has going for him is the people who hate him.
If Trump cured cancer, the headline on the New York Times would be “Heart Disease Kills More People.”
Trump should be thankful for that. Know-it-alls hate Trump… And Americans hate know-it-alls.
Meanwhile, the Democrats seem to have the idea that NOBODY can lose to Trump. And Democrats are determined to find that nobody.
But we mustn’t forget that 2020 isn’t just a presidential election year. The whole House of Representatives and a third of the Senate are being elected too.
And the most entertaining candidates on the stump are running for minor offices without major opposition – the kind of politicians that, in normal times, no one would bother mentioning.
Specifically, no one would bother mentioning the four young “progressive” congresswomen known as “The Squad.”
Maybe this is a reference to “The Mod Squad” because they’re as silly as that 1960s TV show. (Not that any of them would know – none of them had been born back then.)
There’s Ayanna Pressley from the Massachusetts 7th Congressional District, where you could elect a paper bag marked “Democrat.” (Although you have to promise to recycle the paper bag – Democrats are very opposed to climate change.)
Next, there’s Rashida Tlaib, who thinks the Gaza Strip is the ideal model for a national government and who also represents the parts of Detroit where you wouldn’t send your worst enemy on a daytime errand.
Plus there’s Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, a woman who’s really accomplished something… She made the “blonde joke” obsolete.
Lastly, there’s Ilhan Omar, the one in a gunnysack – did I just say that out loud? I am so sorry. It was such an insensitive remark. I’ll try to be more “woke.”
Ilhan Omar dresses to expresses her beliefs. But I believe taxes are too high. If I dressed to express my beliefs – buck naked like Lady Godiva – I’d hear some insensitive remarks too.
Speaking of which, President Trump is in a lot of trouble for his Tweet about The Squad: “Why don’t they go back and help fix the totally broken and crime infested places from which they came?” Wait a minute, Donald. “Totally broken and crime infested?” They are in Congress.
In fact, Trump wasn’t the first to cast shade on the “Four Flibbertigibbets.” Nancy Pelosi called them out for being too far to the left.
And when Nancy Pelosi says you’re too far to the left – oh boy! You have veered out of the passing lane, crossed the median strip, and are driving into oncoming traffic!
But that’s only what the Democratic JV Team is up to. What about the Varsity?
They’re all running for the 2020 Democratic presidential nomination.
It’s a race for the Democratic nomination that seems to be based on The Seven Dwarfs in Disney’s Snow White.
(With Hillary Clinton playing the wicked stepmother: “Mirror, Mirror, on the wall, who’s the fairest of them all?” And the answer turned out to be Donald Trump, which was a big surprise to everybody.)
Trump is running against the seven (or is it 27?) dwarfs.
There’s Grumpy – Bernie Sanders.
There’s Sleepy – Joe Biden.
There’s Dopey – Elizabeth Warren.
And another Dopey – Kamala Harris.
(Happy, Bashful, Sneezy, and Doc are polling in the low single-figures.)
Joe Biden is the front-runner. But as far as the progressive Democrats are concerned, he’s made the mistake of being an old, dead, white, European male. (Which Kamala Harris kindly pointed out to him in their TV debate.)
Okay, Biden’s not dead, but he’ll be pushing 80 with a short stick on Inauguration Day 2021. Not that Joe is too old to run for president – it’s just that his New Hampshire primary campaign headquarters are in Hanover, New Hampshire, at the Dartmouth-Hitchcock Medical Center Memory Care unit.
After Biden, there’s Bernie Sanders and Elizabeth Warren.
Bernie – the screwy-kablooey commander of the Vermont Congress. He’s got the Millennials’ vote, though it’s certainly not because of his youthful charm… Medicare for All – let’s see how 26-year-olds like wearing trifocals and Depends while hobbling around in walkers.
Bernie is even older than Biden. Bernie is so old that he’s a “Stone-Age Socialist.” Back in the Stone Age, he was demanding “Free Stones for All.”
And Elizabeth Warren. She’s an expert in bankruptcy law – so she’s got a vision for America’s future.
Elizabeth Warren and Bernie Sanders claim they want to make America more like Europe. Great idea! Europe’s had a swell track record for more than a hundred years now – ever since Archduke Ferdinand’s car got a flat in Sarajevo in 1914.
Make America more like Europe? Where do you even go to get all the Nazis and Commies and 90 million dead people that it would take to make America more like Europe?
Running fourth in most polls is Kamala Harris. Don’t count her out. She has serious political chops.
Of course Biden is polling ahead of Harris – he’s got a 36-year head start. Joe’s been running for president since he was elected to the U.S. Senate in 1972… when Kamala was eight years old…
This is what that “bussing” tiff between Harris and Biden was all about. Naturally Joe didn’t want Kamala “That Little Girl Was Me” Harris to be bussed to school in the suburbs of Berkeley, California, where all the rich liberal Democratic campaign donors live.
Because, even when she was eight, Kamala could work a room.
Harris has all the usual left-wing liberal political positions that you can think of and some you probably can’t…
When she was California Attorney General, she wanted a law against “habitual and chronic truancy” where parents got arrested if their kids skipped school. (My mom would still be in Leavenworth.)
And she’s got all the usual left-wing liberal self-contradictions. While Harris was District Attorney in San Francisco, the drug-dealer conviction rate rose from 56% to 74%. Not that I’m saying she put her own voters in jail – because left-wing liberals are in favor of voting rights for convicted felons.
She wants a big tax on “the 1%,” although, according to the Washington Post, she and her lawyer husband had a 2018 income of $1.9 million. Not that I’m saying she’s shooting herself in the foot – because left-wing liberals support strict gun control laws.
She’s also a political land shark. Between 2004 and 2017, Harris went from being a low-level hack checking civil code violations in City Hall to District Attorney of San Francisco to Attorney General of California to U.S. Senator.
(And this had nothing – I repeat, nothing – to do with her dating political powerhouse Willie Brown, Speaker of the California Assembly and later mayor of San Francisco.)
Then there are the rest of the Democratic candidates…
Pete Buttigieg. Mayor of South Bend, Indiana – a very important American city… until the Studebaker factory closed in 1963.
Cousin Beto O’Rourke. Sorry about him. Every big Irish family’s got one. Ask William Bulger, former president of the Massachusetts Senate and once the most powerful politician in the state, about his brother Whitey Bulger.
Andrew Yang. He’s all about a Universal Basic Income. Voters want an allowance? Fine. When Andrew Yang comes to my house, takes out the trash, mows the lawn, washes the car, and sweeps the garage… I’ll give him $20. (And a lift to the next Democratic candidate debate – where he’ll be ignored.)
And the list goes on… although some Democrats are already dropping out.
I miss John Hickenlooper. Ha ha, the Democrats just threw that one in there to see if we were paying attention. There’s no such thing as somebody named Hickenlooper…
Actually, he was governor of Colorado – the first state to legalize marijuana. Coloradans got high and started saying his name over and over again – “Hickenlooper-Hickenlooper-Hickenlooper” – and began giggling so hard that they elected him governor.
Other dropouts include Congressman from an-obscure-California-district Eric Swalwell, Governor of an-obscure-western-state Jay Inslee, and current occupant of Hillary Clinton’s obscure New York Senate seat Kirsten Gillibrand.
They dropped out because they failed to answer a crucial political question… “Who the hell are you?”
The remaining Democratic presidential hopefuls are engaged in a free-for-all. Literally. Promising everything free for all of us.
The Democrats are vying to see who can promise the most free stuff – college tuition, student-loan forgiveness, Medicare-For-All, Universal Basic Income – and throw in the kitchen sink of subsidized housing for the homeless who crowd the sidewalks of places where everybody votes Democratic like San Francisco and Portland.
The Democrats say we can have a government that gives everything to everybody.
And what that government will give us isn’t limited to material things like pre-paid PhDs, $0 doctor bills, and a paycheck for doing nothing.
Government will also give us encouragement, approval, validation, and self-importance. Government will celebrate our identities and provide us with a good feeling about ourselves as people.
This isn’t a “Move to the Left.” This is a “Move Back In With Mom.”
Government as your mother. Think that over before you vote for it.
Whether you’re 26 or 60… you’ll be living in the basement. She’ll bug you about who you’re dating. And she won’t let you borrow the car.